The world is set up for four-person families.
Two parents. Two kids.
Look around. If you're at work, the majority of your coworkers stopped after two. If you're at home, the neighbors also said "we good" after the second kid.
And I get it.
Tables in restaurants are often set for four. SUVs, the most popular vehicle type in the U.S., seat four comfortably. Four bedroom houses make it so each kid gets their own room with one primary and an office. Perfect.
Now imagine having three kids. Booth, please. Trading in the Jeep for a mini van. Someday a new house — if you can afford one after sending three through the daycare system at $14,000 per year.
Which is why making the decision to go from two to three wasn't one we took lightly. My husband and I talked about what it meant. And we decided to expand our family all the same. Happily. Joyfully.
And yet, our very personal decision is being questioned by nearly everyone we tell. We are made to feel crazy by outsiders who have absolutely zero stake in our family.
When I told my coworkers, I got: "Oh my god. Another one?" and my VP just used his hand to tick off three — implying my kids have multiplied too quickly under his leadership. I figured that response had more to do with what my pregnancy meant for them — my being gone for 12 weeks on FMLA.
But that wasn't the case. Because my husband who gets just 2 weeks off received similar sentiment. Sure, there were a few congrats, but the comment that stuck out most was, "you know how babies are made, right?"
Like we're idiots.
It shockingly doesn't stop there. My personal favorite was from a neighbor: "Oh, was this an accident?"
It wasn't. But I guess if you ever have three, we'll know yours was.
People love to project their own beliefs onto others. But even more than that, we're all products of this society. A society that likes things a very specific way:
Man. Woman. Married. Two kids — ideally a boy and a girl. Dog. White picket fence.
When you challenge that, you get challenged.
I thought disrupting the status quo would be exciting and unexpected.
For us, it is.
For others, it remains clear that it's much easier to remain comfortable. Be predictable. Stay within the very clear lines of what's acceptable.
So while their judgment is not welcomed, I know it’s just noise from an outdated, passed-down standard of living.
So instead I'll focus on the people who didn't make my news about themselves. My boss was lovely and didn't mention once how having a baby will impact his work load. Just said, "This is what life's all about!"
I got a celebratory hug from one coworker and a "Congrats! Three is the perfect number!" from another.
So if you ever find yourself on the receiving end of news that doesn't directly affect you, but you don't completely understand, that's OK. Just smile and move on knowing you've got more money in your pocket for having stopped at America’s two-kid standard.