Guys, I have some theories that I must share with you. They’re important, so I appreciate you tuning in.
As some know, as others will soon find out: I am a proud grammar nerd. (I use the word “nerd” as not to sound pretentious. Is it working?)
I have a magazine editing degree from the No. 1 journalism school in the country. (That sounded pretentious, didn’t it? Crap.)
I have great attention to detail. I love letters (not love letters, just the singular characters that make up words). I am obsessed with the correct punctuation, which I must share usually excludes the exclamation mark as an option.
So these theories coincide with my one true love.
They are ideas as to why people today just can’t seem to grasp grammar.
Feel free to use this as a guide as to what you should be doing in the future.
So you see, this blog post benefits both writer and reader; you can learn and I can get some things off my chest. It’s what some people call a win-win.
1.. Adding unnecessary Y’s to words.
Theory: This is an attempt to write cutely and also a form of laziness.
Rule: There’s no reason that “Halloween” needs to become “Halloween-y.” Write around it to avoid sounding like a drunk sorority girl. If it’s not in the dictionary, just don’t.
2. Using single quotations.
Theory: This is a form of laziness. I promise you it's not that hard to push the shift key.
Rule: The only time you use one quotation mark is when you’re quoting something that’s already in quotes. I read a lot and rarely (read: never) do I see a single quotation mark. I don’t know where these crazy kids are picking this up. I just don’t.
3. Using “I” at the wrong times.
Theory: This is you trying really hard to be good at grammar by using “I” because you think it makes you sound more intelligent.
Rule: Use “I” if you can lose the other subject and the sentence still makes sense. For example: “Mike and I went shopping.” Remove Mike and it still makes sense to say, “I went shopping.”
Bonus info: “She is taller than me” is wrong. It is, “She is taller than I am.” Therefore, “She is taller than I.”
Mind blown?
4. Good versus well.
Theory: You think well makes you sounds more educated. We get it, you spent $80,000 on your education, but you still don’t know what you’re talking about.
Rule: Here are the facts behind it. People will try to tell you that “well” is an adverb and therefore modifies verbs while “good” is an adjective and therefore modifies nouns and can’t be used to describe how you are doing. It’s not that simple.
It’s okay to say, “I am good” because “am” is a linking verb and it’s appropriate to use adjectives after linking verbs.
This also works: The next time someone gives you a hard time about saying you are good tell them that the answer “I am well” is only the right answer if you are recovering from a long illness and that person is inquiring about your health, If you’re describing yourself on a good day and no one is asking about your well-being, a more appropriate response is, “I am good.”
5. Your last name being possessive instead of plural.
Theory: Your Word document underlined it and you automatically thought Word was correct and right-clicked to make the hideous red squiggly line disappear.
Rule: Your name is not possessive when you sign a Christmas card. “Love the Willsey’s” is wrong. Plural, people, plural. If you have multiple persons in your family and you’re signing a card to be inclusive all members, it’s “Willseys.” Remember this for your holiday cards this year, please.
6. Unnecessary quotation marks.
Theory: You think they are necessary because you’re trying to relay some secret, funny or completely accurate information and you don’t know what you’re doing.
Rule: Less is more. When you use quotes around unnecessary words, it comes across that you allegedly did that or meant this. Only use quotation marks when you’re quoting something or someone.
Here’s a blog that will scare you straight. Don’t be one of these people.
I hope that was informative. Actually, no, I am almost 100 percent sure that was informative because you all do these things wrong. ALL OF YOU!